Self-Awareness

I try to be a self-aware person. A defining character aspect of mine is that I am constantly trying to self-improve. One must be self-aware in order to know what they must improve. Due to my struggles with mental illness, I have had to become very aware of my own thoughts, feelings, actions and how they are all related. For example, I may notice one day that my behavior and feelings do not match my thoughts, and then try to correct myself and act the way I should. This lesson, the importance of being self-aware, has been deeply ingrained in me over the years. I definitely place more importance on being self-aware than your average 18-year-old. I think as you get older, maybe you become more self-aware. Especially after you start paying attention to your thoughts and striving for that awareness, then it just takes time to learn. Therefore, while I do believe I am more self-aware than most my age, I think that I am less self-aware than many people older than me. I am sure there are many things I could change about myself to be more self-aware because while it may not be noticeable to others, I am a not perfect. I have problems listening and paying attention to my surroundings, I can be carelessly blunt with my words at times, I often get distracted by my own anxiety, and I am too easily influenced by my friends. This is not because I am an easily influenced person, my own opinions are unswayable. I am, however, a conflict avoider. I tend to go out of my way to avoid conflict, and it leads to me being a follower instead of a leader. I know this and yet I forget when the times come.  I am very good at ignoring my problems and pushing back emotions, and I think to truly be self-aware, that must change. I think fear and stress are what holds us back from making change within ourselves, that and ignorance.